Mood flow

Hello peeps. I've been abandoning this blog for years. Okay finally i got the time to blog a little bit. Maybe it was because i've so much things to digest recently. I choose to blog as i know that i can't speak to anyone, no matter to you, or to my sisters. I just feeling kinda lost right now :(

 

Well, life-oh-life! It's all about dilemma, unsatisfaction, and decisions which i hate so much. But still life goes on. 

Though i'm getting more freedom nowadays, however i'm feeling so lost, wondering what i really want for life. When i'm alone, everything haunts my mind. No one knows what's gonna happen in future, thus, how i'm gonna make decision. Smiling on the face but it may not be true in heart. Different expressions when i'm in front and behind the door.

Loving life yet being so tired living it too. Feeling thankful yet wondering whether is that something i really want. Knowing it may not be the best choice yet want it so badly. Rationally wanted to let go yet your heart and soul do not agree with it. Got what i thought i wanted but ended up feeling differently from what i expected. Working so hard no matter in my studies or relationship yet asking myself back whether i'm really happy doing this. Well the list goes on and on..

Sometimes i just wish to go to somewhere beautiful far faraway where no one knows me and live my own life with the way i want it to be. Or maybe just fly me to another planet and become an alien? No burden, no pressure, no decision, no LIES. Routine sucks. Life's fragile, life short.

You see what i appear to be but you don't know the real me. You can only see what i choose to show, there's so much more that you just don't know. Just like money can't buy everything, 'sorry' can't delete everything. Do you ever think of how i felt when you're happily being close with girls, where i'm missing you badly under another roof? I knew that i don't have the right to omit you from cultivating relationship between you and your so-called 'best friend'. You never understand how awful i've felt. You know, i'm the type of girl that can be so hurt but can still look at you and smile. The type of girl who is willing to brighten your day even if i can't brighten my own.

And now, i'm sick. What a bad timing to get sick. Ulcer all over my mouth and sore throat is approaching too. Having mixed feeling now, because of many issues which i'm not sure how to deal with it. My nose is red like clown now and it's falling anytime soon. And those coughing really hurt my abdomen.

Tears is now my only companion. It's almost 3 in the morning. Another sleepless night i would say.

We always ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones that ignore us, love the ones who hurt us, and hurt the ones that love us. Isn't it ironic?  

Niteyy and stay tuned :p

The past

Helloooo peeps, i'm back. I've been stop blogging since the year of 2010 due to the multi-task and thousands of apologies for that. I won't deny that i'm a lousy blogger anyway. Whenever i have the mood to blog, i don't have the time, but when i have the time to do so, i don't have the mood. Screw me for procrastinating everything and all the time.


Well, time flies. It's the beginning of the new semester of year 3 study.  During the period of time when i was kinda missing from the 'scene', many changes have been happening in my life.

This is an image that i got it from a friend and i found that it best suits my mess feeling right now. I felt like digging a hole under and hide inside everyday when i woke up from the bed and i knew that i've got to face the reality. Life is like a riding bicycle, you don't fall when you stop pedaling.

I believed that everyone has their own secret, and me too. It's hard not to look back. Sometimes it seems like we sugar coat the past, make it much more shiny that it really was. I  knew that it is only get it or give up, there's no other choice. Beauty outside, beast inside. How long do i need to wake up from the nightmare?
It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew, and someone you love, becomes someone you hate. The cheerful smile of mine had gone and maybe gone forever. Where is the man who can heal this fragile life?

First blog of 2010

03/05/2010  Monday

Hello peeps, the lazy bugs is back! My bloggie have been dead for the past few month since October of 2009. It was due to the heavy tasks that i have to work on it which couldn't be omitted. Well, the super short mid-term break had over and here the hell has begun. Didn't manage to get a wink of sleep at all last night. Feeling super tired and sleepy right now but still wanna blog a little before i go to the bed. Anyway, i'm back to Singapore now. Having mixed feeling, was missing certain things there in Pontian but i'm not sure what i'm really missing too. Maybe i'm so used with the freedom i have there and always being around with friend where i can be myself. 

Yesterday was an awful day for me. When i'm not fully recover from my sick yet, here comes the 'outstation of blessing'. I got tanned by the sun and it caused me sun-burned. My skin has become darker and darker day to day. Oh i hate it! Anyway, this first week of classes are quite relaxing where there are no tutorials for the first week of class. Woohoo~

I miss you so much. Wondering if you know or do you feel the same. When i totally lost control over my emotions, fear and mixed feeling started to rule. I think i know deep inside, i would pause and hesitate a moment, all i have to do is to admit and face it. XD

A new beginning comes after an ending

I'm praying really hard for everything to be better in year 2010.

Someone please slap me! I'm getting lazier and lazier each day to do everything, including eating. This explain why my blogs is soon-to-be-dead. Anyway, October seems to be a good month, there are so many birthdays fall on this month. Nothing much to share lately and my bloggie is getting outdated. Got myself something to spice up my boring and dull routine everyday. Since ipod touch and iphone are the trend in the market now, so i would like to give it a try too but with a lower cost. Somehow the electronic gadgets fanatic who's with me all the time would pass me the influence a little.

 For weekdays, there's nothing else except classes, meals, sleepless nights, and assignments or presentations. How lifeless. And this is why i yawn all the time. Oh, i eat and munch a lot lately as well. Especially last night, i really eat a lot during my babe, Joann's birthday party! Maybe the stress and boredom is provoking my appetite. I'm sure my weight is increasing every second. Anyway, the party is really awesome! You might want to give it a try too, having a birthday party at One 15 degree Marina Club. The place is very nice with full of amazing yatch. Oh, me and my friends really enjoyed it. Also, we managed to cam-whore too! Teehee.

Skin starting to lack of some healthy vitamin  D which sunlight produces. Nothing special though but i'm still happy because finally i got to taste my Royce chocolate which i've been missing it. I love chocolate since young. It cheers me up a lot seriously , i just can't live without sweet stuff. I  think i'll be getting diabetes at a very young age, so be prepared to look after me for guys who wanna marry me, lol, it's fun being childish at times and sometimes  i even wish i could choose to be a child and not grow up, and i don't care or mind being laughed at! Hahaha

Been really busy and crazy with assignments for the entire week. I can't believe myself that i stayed library since i'm back from hometown until my assignment is announced to be postponed to another week. Good news but also bad news, it means that i have to suffer for another week. Can't wait for the weekend to come again, wishing it'll be an exciting one.

Signing off                                                                                                                                                 

Meat the Humans

The 'Final Destination' is an 'exploitation' film, out and out, whichever way you look at it. Also, released in 3D and blood-soaked with CGI, the movie uses and abuses new technologies to deliver more graphic and perverse chills. The one that with the frightening visions this time round is Nick (Bobby Campo), who has a horrific premonition in which a series of events at a stock-car racetrack leads to the brutal deaths of his friends and many spectators. As it turns out, everything that Nick's envisions becomes a terrible reality- except for the fact that all four of them and a select group of people managed to cheat death.
 

But death doesn't like being cheated. See, and Nick's premonition continue. The survivors, not so lucky after all, begin to die a grisly death one by one. Nick and his girlfriend, Lori (Shantel VanSanten) must then figure out a way to outsmart the Grim Reaper before their number is up. Let's be honest. You do not measure a product from the 'Final Destination' factory for the quality of its plot or acting. You weigh it merit by the inventive way in which human can be slaughtered. So lets have a look of the ingenious sadism dished out to the human body here. (warning: may contain spoilers) *grin*

Ready?

Here we go: We get to see how people get wonderfully smashed, crushed and cut in half by car and concrete pieces, beheaded by a flying tire, impaled by a piece of wood, blindsided by a rock missile, flattened by a bath tub, diced to pieces by a fence, minced to bite-sized chunks by an escalator, and, i think this is a first in the history of films,- have their internal organ ripped out by a swimming pool drain pump.*yucks*. Even better, some of the killings are presented in cool X-ray animation, which gives the movie a surprisingly educational aspect. You must be wondering, why do so many people die in the film? Well, i do not have a rational explanation for this too.

The most disturbing scene for me does not involve a gruesome death or even a single drop of blood. It has to do with a misguided mom, named Samantha, who, out of motherly love, gives her two young boys tampons to use in their ears as earplugs during a car race. Now, that is what i call bona fide horror! The 'Final Destination' series, which treat the death of human being as a creative and shamelessly commercial process, provides us with the secret excitement of witnessing other people's tragedy. *how sad*.

And so, if you are the type who slows down your car at the scenes of accidents, this movie is tailor-made for you and worth you every single cent. But if you think it disconcerting to be the subject of entertainment on your 'deathbed', then i think you might want to give this movie a pass. As a conclusion, it's a vile, vile, vile product!

Signing off

School days

Monday @ 310809,
Today is the first day of the school. As usual, it's crowded. However, there are a lot of new face here from all over the country, China, Vietnam, Indonesia, Malaysia, Korea, Japan, Swiss, and etc. The lecturer, Dr Peter Waring, is quite witty, cute and funny too! I think i'll never absent on every monday! Teehee! Then, heading to his place after class and playing facebook the whole afternoon due to the scorching-hot day as i' m afraid to get tanned.



Tuesday @010909,
Attending class at 10am and it's STAT! A subjects that i'm dreading of because it's related to mathematics and the worst thing is, i'm not good in math since i was in my primary. Sort of dismally whenever i came to this subject. *depressed*. However, the lecturer did cheer me up as he is an old, but a very humorous guy. He is good in teaching and i hope i would love STAT because of him. *evil grin*. Headed to Far East for his favourite Indonesian food and i ordered 'ayam bakar' and another 'ayam penyet' for him. Before heading home, we went to do some shopping at Far East. I loves this shopping place because the stuff here are cheaper than outside and the things are mostly catching up with the trend. Well, money is always the best to cheer me up. *evil laugh*. Thanks to the babes for being my best all-time shopping companion. Sometime others advice are useful too. Anyway, splurging is the best antidote. Teehee!


Wednesday @ 020909,
Today classroom was extraordinary cold. Unfortunately, i have forgotten to bring my sweater. I'm so cold as i'm shivering continuously during the whole lecture. =_=
Having lunch at Beppu Japanese Ramen.

I might have swallowed a 'fireball' or what. I've got no idea why i'm having this really fiery temper lately. I would lose my temper out of sudden even for the smallest or slightest matter. I bite if you don't listen to me while i'm talking or asking something. I roar if you stop me from doing or getting anything i want. I kill if you offend me. No joke, i'm seriously serious. But i'm sincerely sorry to him especially. He's always the worst and the only victim when i'm facing these kinda hormone-imbalance-days. Well, there are just so many things i wanna do. And i want or need lots of $$$. I wanna go shopping, i wanna partayyy, i wanna watch movies, i wanna have lots of fun, i wanna travel, i wanna do all the stuff i wanna do like nobody cares. I'm humming to the song, 'Desperado' while i'm typing this post. In conclusion, i'm going insane or maybe i'm already crazy! *big sigh*


Signing off..