Hello peeps. I've been abandoning this blog for years. Okay finally i got the time to blog a little bit. Maybe it was because i've so much things to digest recently. I choose to blog as i know that i can't speak to anyone, no matter to you, or to my sisters. I just feeling kinda lost right now :(
Well, life-oh-life! It's all about dilemma, unsatisfaction, and decisions which i hate so much. But still life goes on.
Though i'm getting more freedom nowadays, however i'm feeling so lost, wondering what i really want for life. When i'm alone, everything haunts my mind. No one knows what's gonna happen in future, thus, how i'm gonna make decision. Smiling on the face but it may not be true in heart. Different expressions when i'm in front and behind the door.
Loving life yet being so tired living it too. Feeling thankful yet wondering whether is that something i really want. Knowing it may not be the best choice yet want it so badly. Rationally wanted to let go yet your heart and soul do not agree with it. Got what i thought i wanted but ended up feeling differently from what i expected. Working so hard no matter in my studies or relationship yet asking myself back whether i'm really happy doing this. Well the list goes on and on..
Sometimes i just wish to go to somewhere beautiful far faraway where no one knows me and live my own life with the way i want it to be. Or maybe just fly me to another planet and become an alien? No burden, no pressure, no decision, no LIES. Routine sucks. Life's fragile, life short.
You see what i appear to be but you don't know the real me. You can only see what i choose to show, there's so much more that you just don't know. Just like money can't buy everything, 'sorry' can't delete everything. Do you ever think of how i felt when you're happily being close with girls, where i'm missing you badly under another roof? I knew that i don't have the right to omit you from cultivating relationship between you and your so-called 'best friend'. You never understand how awful i've felt. You know, i'm the type of girl that can be so hurt but can still look at you and smile. The type of girl who is willing to brighten your day even if i can't brighten my own.
And now, i'm sick. What a bad timing to get sick. Ulcer all over my mouth and sore throat is approaching too. Having mixed feeling now, because of many issues which i'm not sure how to deal with it. My nose is red like clown now and it's falling anytime soon. And those coughing really hurt my abdomen.
Tears is now my only companion. It's almost 3 in the morning. Another sleepless night i would say.
We always ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones that ignore us, love the ones who hurt us, and hurt the ones that love us. Isn't it ironic?
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